Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
