it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
