this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize