I wish my penis had an off switch
Small penises have feelings too.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
