My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
