maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
