There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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