So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
