you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
