She's JV to your varsity
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
