I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
