guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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