I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize