You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
