I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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