i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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