There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
