im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize