the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
