My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am available for nakedness
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
