There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
