If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
