So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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