WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
