WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just found a bag of teeth...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
