Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
