mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
