you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
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