so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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