I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
