I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm too high and old for this...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
