Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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