I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just invented taco cereal.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
