Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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