So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
