I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
