Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
