Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
