I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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