your parents love me but you hate me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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