i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
