Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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