i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize