She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
