I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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