i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
