so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
