We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
