If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
