my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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