**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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