i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
