Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
