So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
