I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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