if you like me you must not know who I am
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
