I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
