i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
