the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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