you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
