I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
