Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
