I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
