He disabled his match.com account in front of me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
