i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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