Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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