i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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