I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
