You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
